America's Finest News Source.

Joined March 2008
Report: We Don’t Make Any Money If You Don’t Click The Fucking Link trib.al/FMhL4pm
2,236
9,219
928
71,950
Businessman Does His Work Lying On Bed Like Schoolgirl bit.ly/3BCwzvQ
7
51
8
396
Elton John Awarded Medal By Joe Biden For Work To End AIDS bit.ly/3CboXlh #WhatDoYouThink?
1
10
179
Struggling U.S. Military Requires Every Soldier To Recruit Additional 300 New Troops bit.ly/3xTBmrK
6
26
2
291
HR Reminds Employees In Office Relationship They Should Give HR Some Sugar Too bit.ly/3BMazia
6
24
2
489
Insomnia Experts Unanimously Recommend Giving Up And Scrolling ‘The Onion’ Until Daybreak bit.ly/3SBF4OI
9
58
1
727
Stargazing Woman Reminded Of How Small Own Tits Are In Grand Scheme Of Things bit.ly/3r1cev4
23
140
14
2,094
Luka Doncic Spends Offseason Adding New Complaints To Repertoire bit.ly/3BHhdpH
8
96
40
991
Mercedes Addresses Nazi Contributions With Reminder That Third Reich Had Notoriously High Standards bit.ly/3LHjNAH
8
33
2
401
After New York Attorney General Letitia James filed a civil lawsuit against Donald Trump and three members of his family, The Onion launched an investigation to discover what other crimes were committed by Trump’s children. bit.ly/3UAW1dX
4
15
1
114
Crowd At Poetry Reading Really Digging The Short Ones bit.ly/3SrbHhY
3
48
5
987
Leaked January 6 Texts To White House bit.ly/3dW7yAg
3
11
107
England Exits Somber Mourning Period To Resume Joyless Normalcy bit.ly/3xMurk1
10
221
13
2,426
U.S. Sees Surge In STI Cases bit.ly/3StPlw9 #WhatDoYouThink?
5
22
1
313
Narrow Line Of Dirt Not Being Swept Into Dustpan Without A Fight bit.ly/3dyqkky
12
144
14
2,154
“No one should be forced to have their name publicly affiliated with me.” — Ted Cruz (U.S. Senator) bit.ly/3DLs30M
6
75
4
855
Man Suddenly Regretting Asking To Be Taken Seriously By Peers bit.ly/3S7uIpL
6
53
5
738